According to Zoe Brain, Ed McMahon was apparently the last remaining normal person in the world and his passing released the time/space continuum into freefall.

Immediately WPATH announced that those who actually had surgery and changed their bodies should no longer reap the benefits of the legitimized and chic term “transsexual” so in the name of greater fairness and embracing diversity henceforth anyone who engaged in any cross gender normative act is a transsexual. Rudy Giuliani immediately announced his run in 2012 as the first Republican female candidate stating “hell, I’ve done more time in dresses than Angela Brightfeather so why not? Besides how else to best steal Sarah Palin’s thunder?” In related news President Obama promptly announced that having accidentally put on Michelle’s panties one morning he now could also declare himself a transsexual and defuse the complaints of the trans activists because he was now one of them. Not to be outdone, Famous Amos also came out as transsexual due to the gender bending activity of baking cookies.

Following Starbucks buyout of the MSNBC “Morning Joe Show”, Maxwell House announce the takeover of Pam’s House Blend and the new motto, “bitter to the last drop”

In news from Bilerico, Alex Blaze announced being the world’s first ? to ? transsexual and Father Tony and Yasmin Nair had a “suck off” at an underground bathhouse reportedly next door to Chaney’s underground bunker. Yashmin reportedly won hands down. “I’ve changed the definition of lesbian to include cock loving sluts” she proudly announced after the win and following having her stomach pumped.

Autumn Sandeen and Monica Helms were ordered by the 8′th district court to undergo paternity testing in the newest pregnancy of Thomas Beatty.

Maura Hennessy and the ‘Super Secret Lesbian Illuminati’ ™ announced the purchase of the entire state of Michigan today as an end run around Lisa Vogel. “Why should we miss out on marginal lesbian music just because we don’t want to wallow in mud and the million bug march?” adding that Perez Hilton is constructing a seven star lesbian only facility for the new and improved Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival. Henceforth the state of Michigan shall be known as “the Land”. Michael Moore allegedly promptly announced his transition in response.

Mara Kiesling and Marti Abernathy, finding themselves left out of all these rapid changes announce the formation of the “Classic Transgendered Defense League”. “The word transgender used to have an actual meaning” explained Mara. “It’s not fair we have had our identity erased.”

Ray Blanchard and Ken Zucker announced the discovery of a new psycho-pathology, autojavaphilia, for those who are just “a wee bit too fond of their morning coffee”. This was followed immediately with the joint announcement by both Andrea James and Lynn Conway that they had photos of Ray and Ken having un-natural relations with both a beaver and a wolverine in the tea garden of the Clarke Institute. Mike Bailey is reportedly penning a new book defending Ray and Ken to be titled “The Man who Would Use Half and Half”.

It is with great sadness we announce Barney Frank had a total breakdown due to having no idea who should use which bathroom in the aftermath of these events.

In one final item, Rebecca Juro, who remained unemployed in a state with full employment protections, was offered a position as manager of the HRC Condo Complex where Riki Wilkins reportedly still resides.

Vanessa Foster was unable to be reached for comments on all these new developments.